I am a black woman
Sometimes I think I’m even human
That I’m able to be happy, at peace, free
But people like you always remind me
That who I am is vile, that I belong in a ditch
“Hey, Saka, get back on the pitch!”
You say with a satisfied smirk
Pleased that your words have hurt
It hurts every single time
But I smile and say “it’s fine”
Because I’m afraid of you
Because you are twice my size
Because I wouldn’t be surprised
If I found out you’ve beaten a woman before
Whenever a goal is scored, it’s more likely
That men get violent
I do not want to die tonight
I want to fight against racism
Show real live activism
But I smile and say “it’s alright”
For fear of being at the end of a knife
The ones stabbed at me are only metaphors
Yet I feel each serrated blade deep in my core
I cannot take this anymore
I have to take more and more
There will always be people like you
No matter which direction in which I turn
You laugh as you watch me burn
“It’s not like she can get any darker”
The knives keep getting sharper
But I smile and smile and smile
While I swallow down the bile rising in my throat
“Throw her in the river, see if she floats”
You tear me apart limb from limb
But I do nothing
Except smile
Smile was written by Mwelwa Chilekwa, a Zambian British poet and spoken word artist. She is a mainstay of Newcastle’s spoken word scene, and regularly hosts events about the region. She is passionate about using her voice to raise awareness of racism, misogyny and social injustice. You can find her on Instagram.